sparkle and shine

Yesterday, I was asked how others would describe me--in one word. Let me tell you, SO MANY words flew through my head--all accompanied by the faces of the people who would use them (and even some of their expressions)! In that nanosecond, the words were categorized in my mind, and I'm sure I smirked as I replied, "That depends, a whole lot, on who is describing me!" The question was then amended to "What word would Kimi use?" To which I replied, "Positive."

At home, a good amount of discussion (and laughter) ensued. Drew interjected that it was an unfair question; how could anyone know what word someone else would use to describe oneself? I told him probably the best way would be to ask. What word would he use to describe me? "Well-rounded." Truly one of the sweetest things I could have imagined a 14-year-old saying to his momma. When I then asked Guy, he replied, "Complex, or complicated." Amused, I asked if that was in a good way, or a bad way. He then wanted to amend his answer to "Wife," but after a lesson from Drew regarding which kinds of nouns can be used as adjectives (Thanks, Ms. H-B!), Guy finally settled on "Coffee" as his descriptor: bold, strong, warm, lively, soothing.....it still makes me shake my head, but, in a funny way, I'm quite flattered. Would anyone besides my SSJ Coffeehouse mates understand? Does it matter much?

At dinner, Henry decided, with lightning speed, that the word he would use is "Unbalanced." In the best way possible, of course! I can always count on Henry to confound and bemuse me--and to try to tell me it's a compliment. He insisted, though, and may even explain himself someday. Weird kid. Wonder where he gets that from?

Later, I presented the case in my Facebook status. The responses I got warmed my heart, and, interestingly, were not any that had floated (floated?? No, rocketed!!!) through my mind in that conference room. Most of those that I tried to mentally sift through were related to the people I have recently decided I don't need in my life anymore: "negative" was one of them. Not too long ago, someone told me, "You really are quite negative, you know." I was puzzled: this was the only person I have ever heard that from. "Sarcastic," "Cranky," even "Bossy" I'd heard before from time to time, but only ever in reference to a mood, not my basic make-up. (Maybe the Bossy from time to time....but I've grown up a lot since then!) It shook me, especially since it was at a very shaky time for me. I went to work the next day still wondering what, exactly, was meant by it. Lo and behold, one of my co-workers said, out of the blue, "Stephanie, you are one of the most positive people I've ever met! I love working with you!" Ironically, she said this as I was trying to spin a complaint I had, because I didn't know her very well! Between that day and the next, three people mentioned something about my positive attitude, bringing me back to my center--and at a tenuous time for my own balance, mind you! Sometimes the 'one word' giver needs to be disregarded.

Anyway, those who responded with their "one word" for me are people that I hold so dear in my heart. Many were along the same vein: Linda's "Multi-talented, or Multi-faceted" was similar to Drew's response, as well as Allison's and Shawna's choices: "Brilliance" and "Effervescent," respectively. Before that whole Twilight movie thing, "Sparkle" used to be a very nice little descriptor in our house! My other Linda wondered if "A+++" counts as a word--she is a nut! (That's the word I think I would use for her, but with the warmest smile and a great big hug, too!) "Steadfast," from Amy, warmed my heart; especially since just before I saw it, I had been thinking that "Resilient" or "Loyal" would have been good responses. Steadfast is about right.

I worried momentarily as I considered what to say if some of the words I might use would sound arrogant. And would they really be words that someone else would use, or were they words that I would wish others would use to describe me? It was the hardest part: "Intelligent," "Organized," "Managerial," "Amazing," "Unusual"--how many of them are words I've actually heard others use when talking to me, and how many are words that I'd like them to use? I was glad when the question was modified. Another word Kim would have used: "Sympathetic."

Then I saw the word "Real," and it made me cry. A really, really good cry, with the warm heart, full-face smile, and laughter. "Real" is what I've always wanted to be. "Real" is what I work for, pray for, live for. Real. Connie considers me to be Real.

I do, too, although I haven't always, and that makes it all the more touching. I've been praying for the strength to be myself, to continue to be me, to be as real as I can be. Thank you, God, for answering prayers; for guiding me to the people who fill my life with light. Thank you, friends, for the words you share with me, giving me the energy and fortitude to share my words with you. Thank you for being the sparkle in my life.