thank you, dear friend

My dear friend,

Watching the sun rise this morning over my sleeping husband's shoulder, I realized part of the reason words that wanted to flow would not. I often feel this gratefulness wash over me, and this desire to express it. From time to time, I have said thank you to individuals walking this earth, breathing the air I breathe; people that have laughed and cried with me, offered advice, answered questions, or asked them with me. 

On Christmas morning, I was once again overwhelmed with thankfulness, and wanted more than anything to express it. Immediately, I thought of one person, then another. Then yet one more. The list kept growing. How best to thank them for the guidance, the friendship, the prayers they have offered for and with me? How best to tell them that their example both challenges and comforts me? How best to say that without them, I may not be where I am right now, today? 

There was a song running through my head that morning, as I considered and debated composing a letter. Matt Redman's "Your Grace Finds Me" touches me often: "[Forever I'll be] / Breathing in Your grace / And I'm breathing out Your praise." Heart swelling with emotion, I could think of no way to put the words in order, and say what I really needed to say. In the end, I was left somewhat befuddled, but also knowing that when the words were right, when the emotions were right, when the time was right, they would flow, freely and easily. 

Then the sun appeared this morning, between two trees on the horizon, and I realized I was headed in the wrong direction. My dear friend, I've never written to you of thankfulness. I've written down my concerns, my hopes, even my anger and frustration. But never a letter of simple thanks. You are the one who has brought me here, with the help of others who have come to mean a great deal to me. You have taught me about myself, about my family, my faith, my world. You have been there no matter how I've behaved, reacted, resisted. The reason I was having trouble putting the words in place is that I was going to misdirect them. 

It is You I wish to thank. I thank you every day, at some point, but more often than not, the thanks are for blessings I've seen or heard; things that are fairly obvious to me. This thanks is for what is in my heart. Deep, deep in my heart. I am thankful for the place that is there for You. 

For your grace, I thank you, on the day we celebrate Christ's birth, and every day. 

Warmly,

Stephanie