getting there

As people ask me about visiting the Holy Land, I am still unable to truly express what struck me most. There is a good reason for that -- being there itself was, indeed, the miracle. When I say it aloud in answer to the question, though, it sounds like I don't want to answer.

There is no way I could have gone on that trip on my own. I'd heard about the trip while I was working full-time, but I had spent my vacation time for the year, so I figured dreaming was all I would get to do. I dreamt. And I loved the dreaming. Occasionally I would tell my workmate and friend that I would so love to go. Every time she would respond, "You're meant to go."

When I left that job to take a part-time position at church, I knew, without a doubt, that I had no chance of going. This time it was about the pricetag rather than the time factor. I planned to attend the information night anyway. I missed the meeting, but as it ended, a dear friend came out, telling me she had no intention of going, but wanted to know about the particulars. I told her about my dream, and my empty pockets.

"If you want to go, ask God if He could make it possible. If you're meant to go, He will make it possible if you are open to His help."

My prayer: "If you think I should, Lord."

The first time I got mail informing me of a dollar amount due me in the exact amount of the trip, I chuckled and shook my head. "Thanks, God." I stuck the letter to the bulletin board to deal with before the deadline for claiming it. The second time, from another source (same amount), I showed my husband and told him about the prayers, the dreams. He said to go. I wasn't keen on going by myself, so I shelved that one, too.

The third piece of mail listed exactly double the amount of the trip. The next day I processed the paperwork and within a week I'd made my deposit, all the while thanking God for His generosity.

So you see, being there was the true gift. Our trip included a good bit of history, Mass every day, fellowship. I spent a bit of each day simply thanking God for the amazing gift of being. Soaking in the sites, the sounds, the very air blessed me in a way I cannot describe. The woman who follows me at Adoration each week tells me she can still see the Holy Land on my face, in my being. There is so much I will continue to learn about myself and about my faith because of that trip.

Since our return I've had some challenges to my foundation. Serious ones, leading me to search earnestly for some guidance. But one morning I prayed once again, "Lord, it's not mine. I give it to you." Then I added, very sincerely, "If all of this is because of visiting the Holy Land, if I am going through this valley in proportion to or related to being where you lived, walked, preached, I don't mind. I would live it all again if I had to. I thank you, Lord, for every moment, from that first time I heard about the trip until today, tomorrow, and every day beyond." I would go again in a heartbeat, knowing full well it would be a very different experience.