blessed beyond measure

I am learning to see the distinction between being alone and being isolated. Last weekend, I visited - no, I lived, in a very true sense - with friends I met in school. In school online. Friends who are without a doubt family to me. Never in my life have I been so cared for, loved, comforted, or at ease. What struck me tonight as I finished my run was the fact that even during the times when I was alone inside my head, I felt at home. Not once did I feel left out, despite being the only unattached party (my friends are two married couples). In fact, their moments alone as couples within the proximity of our little group were inspiring, heartwarming, and so very comforting.

There was no hurrying or rushing anyone. In fact the only tense moment came when I was asked a question and offered a response that even I saw as especially vague. In a flash I learned what it is to have feet put to the fire! I answered definitively - the answer I really wanted to speak in the first place - and we were on our way. 

Juxtapose this with the times I was isolated, set apart, cajoled for my inherent need for a few minutes alone. Isolation is painful; whereas aloneness is refreshing. Isolation that is forced is downright abusive. 

I am stronger today than I was a week ago when I was packing. I am home again with a promise from my friends that they will continue to love me, to encourage me, to understand me. Perhaps the understanding is the most wonderful thing, as it is a mixture of all the rest. It includes the promise to call me out on poor choices, setbacks, downright stupidity. I love them. They are my family, having common experiences, shared memories, related humor, deep faith - differing in doctrine and practice, but significantly similar in strength. They love my kids, and are appreciative of my work, my talents, my flaws, my quirks. Never have I felt so comfortable in a room full of my peers. 

I am. I am alive. I am thankful. I am more. Not despite, but because. I am worth more than many sparrows. I am never going to forget that.