letting go

Thank you, Lord, for prayers answered. 

What have I learned this week? 

First, that the unknown is best handled by the One Who Knows. Clenched in my hands has been, among other things, a need to know. Where that need came from I do not know, but I do know it is a very developed habit that really gets me nowhere. 

This need to know is different from my love of learning. In learning, there is a process, a goal, actual substantive information. This need to know, however, makes less sense. What I want to know is typically something unknown. Something unknowable. In actuality, the future. A need to know the unknowable is a no win. 

This week I was told the I don't knows belong at the foot of the cross, belong in my prayers; that I can say "I don't know what to say, what will happen, what this means. I don't know what I need. I don't know even what I want, what hurts, or why. And I just need You to know that I don't know." 

When I let go, when I opened my hands and realized what was inside, what I thought I needed to know, was far out of my hands, I began to also understand that it didn't matter. It would be what it would be, regardless of what I said, did, demanded, begged for, cried over. 

I let go. A little, but I did. And in response, reassurance. 

Thank you, Lord, for prayers answered.