electronic escapism

How do I know when I am a bit keyed up, or emotional, distressed, blue, even lonely? I troll Facebook. Sometimes I realize I'm feeling desperate because I've opened both Twitter and Instagram in addition to Facebook. The thing is, it doesn't help. Not in the least. The only time I really enjoy my social media is when I'm in a good mood, feeling alive and ready to go; ready to face the day, the week, the future. Otherwise, all I feel is marked time. And when I look up, the sun has moved, I've accomplished nothing, and my mood is invariably slightly worse than when I started. It's an isolate space in which I put myself because that is where my comfort is. Have a feeling that falls in the "negative" range? Hide it from outsiders (which means anyone who is not myself) and while you're at it, hide it from yourself, too. I was taught that I choose my feelings. And it was reinforced for a very long time. But that's a lie, I'm learning. I can't choose how to feel. I can choose how to use, process, or react to my feelings, and which feelings to explore and which to ignore, but feelings themselves happen. And hiding them - hiding from them - is never going to help me. I may not always share them, but that has more to do with trust and safety in a given moment than what I "should" allow others to know, to see. Yes, I recognized all of this as I realized I was mindlessly scrolling and feeling less and less. But, the cool thing is, I recognized it, AND I know full well why I chose electronic escapism. So I'm now choosing to redirect; to think through what's bringing me down this afternoon and find the positive in it. No, not to find it because I already know that -- to celebrate it. And to look forward.