dreambank

I had a dream I keep thinking about, wondering about. I keep wanting to ask, but I don't know who to ask. It's a very strong desire to understand -- much more so than the usual when I dream, so I wonder if the desire to understand is related to the meaning of the dream itself.

I was at an event. Something with many people, some of whom I knew casually, and some of whom I did not know at all. But there were also some people I knew very well -- a handful -- and each of them had asked specifically if I would be there, saying they wanted to talk with me, either to catch up after an absence, or to cover specific information. I was happy to be there (if you know me well, you know that alone is a tad odd), and looking forward to socializing, catching up, and discussing with my friends -- those who had asked for my presence. Consistently and repeatedly, these people were avoiding conversation with me in various ways. Sometimes they would approach me, stand with me, even hug me in greeting, but as soon as I spoke, they would walk away. Sometimes there was a direct, "Not now," spoken in lieu of greeting. I found myself confused, bewildered, hurt. 

I awoke profoundly affected, with a feeling of strong reality. I spent the day yesterday trying to convince myself that a dream is simply an unconscious way to let go of daytime woes, rather than a method of explaining problems that need to be addressed. Half the difficulty for me is the specific people involved. Most of the time when these people -- or any people -- appear in my dreams, I may see faces, but really they don't look into my eyes to speak to me. This time each one did just before they walked away from me, pointedly turning away from me to walk away.

There are some strong frustrations in my waking life at the moment. Working my way through them is not going as smoothly as I'd like, and in fact, I am actively avoiding speaking about some of them, because I don't know where to turn. Or maybe I don't want to. Maybe these people are the ones I need to address. Or perhaps they are the ones I'm trying to engage, but I shouldn't be. That last possibility is what has me most perplexed -- it keeps coming back to me, almost as if it's written on paper in front of me. (The blank paper from so long ago? I've been waiting for something to be written upon it...) Perplexing and a bit painful. These are people I've counted on, shared with, cried for.

Can a season end for an entire group at one time? Where else do I turn?

friend and neighbor

A visit with a dear friend left me refreshed and reassured. As our conversation rolled over and over on my heart a few hours later, and as I once again thanked God for sending her my way unexpectedly, I realized just how thankful I truly am.
The meaning of true friendship is pretty deep. And complicated. As I tried to express my gratitude, as I tried to plumb it's depth, I thought about my relationship with Jesus. It has been quite a while since I found myself awake for no reason at 3am, other than being gently beckoned to time alone with Him. Sitting here in the dark with a blanket listening to the rain, I am again struck by the added dimension of simplicity.
Often as I pray, I hope for a response -- words, a touch, a feeling. None of my prayers go unanswered, I'm certain, but many times I'm on the wrong frequency and can't see, hear, or understand. This visit with my friend, I think, had elements of each. I learn and teach that we should strive to see Christ in others, and all too often that falls on my ears as direction for looking past undesirable traits. If I am to see Christ in my neighbor, that should include those I already love, respect, and care for! Obvious, maybe; but that response I long for today came in a very human person.
I wasn't expecting that.
Lightning and thunder and sleepiness are creeping into this time. And comfort and peace and a knowledge that tomorrow is today. I have friends who bear Christ to me, and a friend in Christ who strengthens me. All is well.