darktime

Near the end of the first vacation I've taken in almost 2 years. A great week it's been, at home, doing some sewing and other stuff. Halfway through pajamas, and a personally significant piece of paperwork filed today. Tomorrow a parade and dinner with friends; Sunday a trip to see Drew after work. All good things - and yet the darktime pulls at me, grasping at my extremities, slipping on my skin, as my heart beats determinedly away. Last year, in my determination to find gratitude in all I was experiencing for the first time, the darktime had far less affect on me. Perhaps making this week's darkness all the more intensely felt. Pained. Last night, I told some friends of a feeling of being alone in the daytime - especially in the rain - but tonight the feeling is more defined as of being unloved, again deserted, left wanting. So difficult to explain, to define, especially because there is a shining optimism all around it. I am in a far, far better place than ever I was, yet the desolation states me in the face. I share the feelings because it is the way to release their power over me. The darktime cannot smother me because the Light will always come with the morning, shining Love upon me and all those I love. Tonight my weapon of choice is the written word. Tonight my unexplained fear of the darktime is alive, untamed. But I will face it. You will not see my fight, but you will be a part of it. If you have gotten this far, your compassion, your love, your strength will be a part of my battle, whether you intend it or not. The darktime will not win.