a blank page

This morning, I decided that even though I had no idea what I would write, I would log in and write. When I sign in, a rather dull page comes up that should probably interest me more--a page with stats and data. The only thing I ever look at is "pageviews today" and each time the number surprises me. I have no idea why. Today, this morning, at 8:14am, the number was 10, which blew me away. Silly, I know. I wonder who they could be; are they all people I know, or are they strangers who have stumbled upon my words? If they just stumbled by, will they look for me again? Do they feel like eavesdroppers, or do they want to get to know me? And really, does it matter? If nothing else, the number of pageviews gives me something to daydream about.

Today, though, when I glanced across that page, wondering what else I'm supposed to be getting out of this data, I saw that I had a draft saved. I wondered what on earth I could have written and not posted. When I opened and read it, I remembered writing it. I don't remember the circumstances, but the thoughts, the synthesis is so pertinent. Yesterday, I heard something that made me think about zebras and stripes, immediately decided that saying doesn't always apply, and put it in the back of my mind. Then I found this old post.

So today I'm thinking that zebras are just zebras, but character can be strengthened. The difference between yesterday's quick thought about stripes, and today's realization is one of superficiality. This old post is so related to my friendship post--true, honest-to-goodness friendship is not at all superficial; it's based on far more than just chatter, and is, above all else, a gift to be cherished, nurtured, admired. Yesterday, I thanked a friend for being herself. I told her I had never fully appreciated her, or her friendship. And she told me she just lives the way she believes she should. I want to be more like her. She, and so many other wonderful people I know, have so much true character.

Recently, due to some emotional events--both highs and lows--I've been finding myself thinking about character; what it means, where it comes from, who I've known who has it. I've discovered a common theme...the people I've learned the most from, with regard to character, have felt like a lifelong part of my life from the moment we met.


Not in the same way as those people who seem to be able to read my mind when I met them, and have a million things in common with me, and draw me in like a super-magnet--most of those friendships turn out to be fairly superficial, lose luster, and fizzle out in a cloud of "what the heck happened here?" This is a different kind of "I like him/her; I want to get to know him/her better." I had noticed this difference before, but had never really thought about it much, but with the recent events in our lives, I rather suddenly realized one evening what the difference is......


This kind of comfortable, easy meeting is based on being true to oneself. The reason these people are so easy to be around is that they are honest-to-goodness real deal people. But not in the way that they don't care about others, or are preoccupied in any way with themselves. In fact, it's the opposite: the people I'm talking about have a clear vision of their place in the world, realize that that space really is a tiny part of the whole, but believe wholeheartedly that every single piece of the whole is important, necessary, and  amazing in it's own way.


I admire those who are true to themselves. Particularly, those who are true to themselves now, but are perfectly willing to tell about when they weren't, and how it cost them--and yet don't sound as though their goal is to impress or preach. Rather, what I've observed is that they are willing to tell their stories in order to express their wonder and gratitude for the opportunity to grow.