me, and only me!

The question: What will you do with your evening alone in a hotel room?

The answer: Be me!!

The first thing I did after checking in, to be perfectly honest, was cry. Not the sobbing, core shaking kind; just the full eyes leaking down the cheeks kind. As I looked around the room, I realized that even if it were the Taj Mahal, it would still feel drab without the love of my life. I miss him, and it's only been three days.

In fact, I've never missed him this much--as a married woman. I sit here, with two other tabs open on my screen (Pinterest and Facebook, of course!! haha), and recall the first time I went away for the weekend without him. How long we'd been dating is irrelevant, and lost in the archives of my mind, but I clearly see the photo I took with me and I acutely feel the tight knot of feeling--a strong combination of love, sorrow, anticipation and joy--that my last thought each night, and my first each morning.

Tonight, I don't have a photo propped up by my pillow, but I do have plenty on my computer and on my phone. And each one makes me smile, remembering each event, each moment, each vacation and silly time a picture was taken, and the love projected, and protected, by our relationship. Tonight, I do feel the same knot. One difference: tonight I am wearing one of his undershirts as my nightshirt, and instead of having his high school ring sitting next to my keys, I have two rings from him on my left hand.

So how did I spend my evening alone in a hotel room? After I cried, just a little, I did a little yoga, booted up my computer, and called him. And I told him everything in my heart, along with the stories of our weekend. We laughed, we shared, and I felt better; more like myself. Then I watched The Blind Side, painted all twenty of my nails, and browsed Facebook and Pinterest. And threaded together some words, of course.

I'm bein' me. And it's all good now.