Yesterday, as I weeded one of the flowerbeds, I realized the similarity to my life lately. In all aspects of my life, I have been doing lots of weeding: at work, in my closets and drawers, in my circles, everywhere. And it's an amazing feeling!
At work, we've been tasked with weeding the collection, and I've wandered the stacks frequently looking for falling-apart and outdated materials, as well as securing the help of others who are more learned in categories than I am, or ever will be. Additionally, we've been weeding out cards, magazines, and soon, decorations. I have some apprehension about this weeding in some ways, as I don't quite know what the ultimate goal is, but there is still that certain satisfaction that comes with getting rid of something that's old, broken and unused.
My closets and drawers are getting a much-needed -- and long overdue!-- combing, too. There are still things I can't bear to part with, but many stained and outdated clothing has made its way out, along with games and puzzles missing pieces, toys that no longer have any appeal, expired medicines, and the other plain, old junk that makes its way into storage areas instead of the trash for various reasons, and then is forgotten about.
Similarly, I've been weeding the gardens and flowerbeds. Again, a long overdue project. At times, I marvel that I had time and energy to create the beds in the first place; painstakingly digging out, turning over, and bordering each of them with bricks. I remember that I worked each morning at 5:30am, until our oldest son would come out and let me know he was awake. Planting was the easy part, but I also remember that the weeding and deadheading happened in the evening, when my husband came home from work and could occupy the boys for a while, giving me a break -- literally and figuratively. Each year, as the boys got older, they got busier, and Guy coached more, leaving me less time to get at those pesky weeds. For the past three years, I've worked full-time in the summer, into the evening, giving me even less time to get out into the yard. So spring and fall have become my weeding the beds times. In between, I just hope not too many people notice how sloppy they start to look.
My personal life has needed major weeding, too. Some of it takes care of itself, like seeing a dandelion and pulling it out by the roots. But most of it requires careful extrication, much like untangling and unwinding the wild morning glory choking the lilies and the clematis. I will persevere, though, because the results in my heart and soul will be, ultimately, very similar to the results in my yard, my closets, and the shelves: clean, neat, open and tidy.
Occasionally, pulling a weed results in losing one of the pretty plants intended to be in the garden. I see the same thing happen in my life: my boys will lose some playmates, some babysitting jobs. I have no problem being open and honest with them. It's important for them to know that some people need to drop out of our lives in order to move forward. Never will I say mean, nasty or slanderous things about any of these formerly "important" people in my life, but I will certainly not pretend that "maybe one of these days" the relationship will be what it once was. Or, more truthfully, what I mistakenly thought it would be forever.
I'd prefer for my life to be less sloppy, and more what I choose it to be. For too long, I went along adding some color here and there, just to fill in the blanks. Not everything I ended up seeing was what I liked, or wanted to see; but I let them go, not realizing how much they would be able to take over, given just a little space. I'm learning to mulch and fertilize. And examining the shoots and seedlings more carefully.
And I feel much freer for it.
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