water under the bridge

Today was one of those "I really just feel like I need to cry, but I don't even know why" kind of days. Maybe it was the little bit of frustration from work; or maybe it was hormones; or maybe it was related to the torrents of rain falling....Possibly a combination of all, along with the underlying tiredness of this weekend's trip, and the subsequent "I still miss you, and now I miss them." To be honest, it doesn't much matter, does it? When those days happen, there's the choice that has to be made: do I keep busy enough to hold it off, or do I just give in and get it out of my system? Today I chose the former, although plenty of times I've gone with the latter, only to have the same result in the end: it's gone.

Whatever it was that was getting under my skin today is gone, and I've moved forward once again. And I didn't even fritter away the time on the computer, or doing nonsense things. (That's my other "usual" thing.) I filed some papers and wrote a check that have been waiting, bagged up some old shirts we won't be wearing any more (two big garbage bags! Good riddance!), did laundry, cleared off my dresser, fixed up my resume -- some things I've been putting off, and some that I'd normally rather put off!

When I think about it, though, I realize there is an edge to today's mood that had never been there before. There once was a time when I was that girl that could walk down the street without a care in the world. Lately, I've found myself looking over my shoulder when I'm alone, and the stress of it is grating on me. Last week, I actually ran from someone in the dark. Yesterday, I spent the morning in a strange city, and in the daylight, found myself checking my surroundings -- even when, for blocks, I saw no one at all, let alone following me. Both times, a friendly word soothed and comforted me (at night, a friend; yesterday, a stranger), but it bothers me that I have the feeling at all. It's getting to me, and the worst part is, I know exactly why.

A friend of mine Pinned this the other day: "Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you." Precisely. And laughter and love will save the day. Always.